I’m in Billboard! Neat.

ALSO: Here’s an interview where Conrad says some nice things about me. Thanks, C-rad.

Tonight, ham hocks were served in the DFAC (Dining Facility), which I found sort of hilarious for a couple of reasons:

• Ham hocks are inherently funny. They look funny. The word is funny.
• Ham hocks are meat from the foot of a pig, which is probably the most unclean foodstuff imaginable to a muslim.

I wonder if the muslims who work in the DFAC took the night off.

Yesterday was Afghan Independence Day, and things got a little bit heated here at Salerno. I’ll let the Associated Press do the honors.

Everyone I know is fine. I’m afraid I can’t say the same for the Khost Police Force folks who were guarding the gate.

It’s a strange feeling. I’m sitting here at my desk complaining about the interface of our new staff website, and less than a mile away, several people felt compelled to strap explosives to themselves and blow themselves up, killing several other people in the process.

The other day I saw a Navy guy here at the fob. “Navy?!” I said, incredulously. “Afghanistan is landlocked! Navy?!”

Then he pistol-whipped me, and stepped on my teeth.

Not really. But I did see some sailors here.

There is no faxing in Afghanistan. I suppose it’s not secure enough, what with that raw data flowing over the phone line. So, any handwritten documents must be scanned and emailed. Scanned and emailed. Scanned and emailed.

One of the two functioning scanners in our office has the pleasure of being connected to my laptop. Therefore, I do a lot of… scanning and emailing. For myself and for my coworkers. To make things more fun, whenever I scan something for someone in the office, I title the email with a HILARIOUS PUN involving the word “scan.” So far I’ve used:

• Scan Francisco
• Scandinavia
• Scantastic
• Scanalanche
• Scandyland
• Scandalous

…and probably more that I’ve forgotten. This is the part where you comment with more scan-related puns!